Clash of the Typefaces

Storefront in Ballard

What is wrong with this picture? Or rather, what isn't wrong with it? At first glance, it was the cliche application of the beloved papyrus that caught my eye. But as I stepped closer and closer to the storefront window to take my photograph, I was overcome with a wave (pun not originally intended, but I'll take it!) of emotions ranging from confusion to anger to sadness. 

Oh, dear sweet 8 lb. 4 oz. lil' baby Jesus, where to begin?

Overrated Typeface

No-brainer. Refer to original post about it. Moving along...

More is More

Two-toned, outlined font. I'm not even going to indulge you on the tragedy of the chosen color here. Let's move on before the vomiting in mouth commences...

Faux-Geek

The weak attempt at helping people pronounce rejuvenation. Because there is a long-running debate on how to properly pronounce the word. Right. C'mon. It's not like trying to pronounce !Xobile. But, seriously, if you're gonna go there, why stop at syllables and accents? Where's the schwa? (hint: the 'e' in 've') The short/long vowel symbols? Go hard or go home. Next...

The Wave

Better left to baseball games and surfing and greeting people from afar. Next...

Improper Engagement

Incorporating the window mullion into the signage. It's like breaking the fourth wall in acting, except we're not acting and I'm going to take a wild guess and say that it was not intended as an artistic maneuver to challenge the onlooker into reevaluating their view on two-dimensional vinyl graphic signage. Gonna guess it was someone's low-fi "solution" to a "problem" or something of the sort. I'm......without words....(well, without more words)... Next...

Inconsistency

Not incorporating the window mullion into the wavy waves graphic that is part of the Papyrus text. Forgive me, but it just had to be said.

This may be another example of storefront signage that causes such pain and anguish that the very thing they are selling is what will ease such pain and anguish. Sort of like the high density of fast food businesses surrounding the vicinity of many-a-24 hour fitness franchises. 

I dunno, just an observation.

Until next time,

Font Police

Five Things I Hate About Papyrus

Print advertisement in the Seattle Weekly 10.01.08.

Papyrus promises adventures with other singles! That's hot!

Not.

Signage on the 12th Avenue Corridor in Seattle.

At least they had the sense to use Century Gothic in most of the text.

But still, it doesn't cover over the most heinous of sins. 

Not even sure what this is, but I found it on a storefront in Pioneer Square.

It's not even a real word. Is it a bar? A restaurant? 

Really, I don't care. Just stop the insanity!

Enough is enough is enough.

Papyrus needs to be banished!

Its users and abusers need to be called out.

Trust me, I'm not alone in this. 

I mean, there's a whole blog dedicated to one man's ironic love of the type.

Join the public outrage! 

Why? 

Here is a handful of reasons...

In no particular order:

1. Papyrus takes up too much room. 

It's awkward and ugly. It has no respect for the negative space. The capital letters are most offensive. Especially the rounded ones - B, P, R, S. Just imagining these characters in my mind makes me wince in pain. So I'll stop now before I start to have a seizure.

2. Papyrus is not actually written on papyrus.

In an age of laser printers and glossy paper, not to mention digital imagery, YTF is Papyrus an appropriate font for anything? I'm done. If you don't get it, it's probably because you wish I was writing this in Papyrus. While I'd rather be writing on papyrus. Excuse me while go in the corner and throw up in my mouth.

3. Papyrus looks like the word platypus. 

Platypus is a much cooler word and a much cooler animal. Papyrus sounds like it could be some strange hybrid animal: an origami walrus, perhaps? It's bad enough that there's a paper/card company called Papyrus (various locations). Let's not add to the overexposure of this ancient form of media, lest we weaken the impact of its invention.

4. Papyrus is overused. 

And its (ab)users should have their computers revoked! It's everywhere. In print. On storefronts. On signage. In websites. On t-shirts. 

5. Papyrus has become the official typeface for a certain lifestyle.

If you look at it, the font actually evokes a feeling of sacredness. It looks old and wise. Like it cares about your wellness and encourages you to do yoga everyday. Makes you hungry for some delicious asian food. And then promptly eject it from your mouth. Wait, that's just my response.

Rest assured, this list is not exhaustive by any means. We will revisit and continue to embarrass publicly the offenders of typeface. In the meantime, marinate on this post and let your anger swell. 

Yours Truly,

Font Police