Hindsight is 20/20 and Typeface So Good You Can Taste It

Signage/clock face in Portland's Pearl District.

At first glance, it's a cool clock. An interesting signage piece that is integral to its function. Good design move, one might be inclined to think to oneself or speak aloud to uninterested passersby. Then, the double take: What.....does....that.....sign.......say..........???

UR BLUE HO

Wtf? I mean, clearly, it's for a restaurant called Blue Hour, once you peer at the street level signage. But, circular text is tricky. Where to start/end? Will it work? Will people get it? That all depends. Though we read clocks from the Twelve position back around, we don't read text from top back around. We read text left to right. In the U.S., that is. The main problem here is they are trying to do too many things. Not only is the sign illegible, the hands can barely be seen behind the milky panel, making the time unreadable as well! Maybe making the two words different colors would have helped. But let's not get into that. In short, this is poor execution on the part of the Blue Ho! That is your name as far as I'm concerned. But according to them, I DA HO. So, there it is. They're insulting potential restaurant patrons. Good one.

Signage for Saint Cupcake from the inside.

Cupcakes are all the rage these days.  But with something that has such strong ties to nostalgia and cutesiness, there is great danger in the design of such a shop to induce vomiting with their graphic choices. (Perhaps cupcake typeface is worthy of a dedicated post! Stay tuned.) But not so here! We're just going to have to say it:  Fontomonopoeia!  The Saint did it right. Good work. God would be proud.

Until Next Time,

Font Police

Take a Big (Retro) Belt and Cinch It!

Those crazy Germans! Their clean lines, utilitarian design, and crisp precision...Despite some of their past missteps, we can all still learn something from their strong organizational skills.

This shot of a Berlin hotel sign is fantastic! Looks like the text is integral to the overhang - illuminated, properly scaled, restrained of excess color/texture. The subtle graphic quality of pullman conveys its point as the name to remember. It's in bold, and softer, more playful than the rest of the text. And, it reminds me fondly of the original Gap logo, pre-1990s:

So simple and clean. But somewhere along the line, they felt the need to re-brand themselves, create a reborn persona suitable for the mid-90s vibe. Getting serious with the palette of darker shades like navy and maroon. Sounds conservative. Capitalizing to highlight their capitalization on the casual fashion market. Or, are they shouting? Showing distinguishing characteristics with a serif type. Anorexic too. Back then, the 60s weren't cool. The 90s were!

Case in point, the Gap is captured on Saturday Night Live! Like, totally. Back in the heyday of Gap's fashion empire. Everyone and (quite literally) their mom owned a t-shirt, pair of jeans, sweater, or at least socks from The Gap.

Only in retrospect can we soberly evaluate our misjudgments. But, who knows? Pleated printed skirts and cardigans could be all the rage next fall! No fashion faux pas is safe from regurgitation. So maybe there is room for squares...

In closing, my suggestion is...keep 'em both! And interchange as appropriate! Not. I'd rather see the old typeface on the square background - but rotate the color of the square to fit the flavor du jour. It's not like they haven't done that already. 

Easy! 

Until Next Time,

Font Police

(photo credit: Lieutenant TrueType, The Internets)

The Sound That It Makes

There are more examples of poor typeface selection than there are appropriate. Or, to go a step further, what will from this point on be referred to as fontomatopoeia (definition: words whose typeface matches perfectly the structure of the word itself as well as its definition). Therefore, on the rare-ish occasion that one encounters an instance of fontomatopoeia, well, it must be celebrated, documented and shared in order that the masses may know what is good and right for the betterment of their future typeface decisions. So, this entry is dedicated to one of my favorite cities: New York. 

exhibit at the MoMa

max brenner's wares

store signage in greenpoint

Until next time,

Font Police

For Nostalgia's Sake

So you think you can win us over with a dose of nostalgia, do ya? Sure, we grew up on lame birthday parties at the laser tag arena. And Teen Wolf (some may argue both the original and the sequel) is a classic in our minds and hearts. But you think that is enough to convince us to eat at your fine dining establishments? Well, for the desperately hungry, no convincing is really ever necessary. But for the discerning diner with a penchant for aesthetics and a graphically-inclined appetite (presentation is important, after all) and the curiously un-opinionated, here are my thoughts from the heart...

Dear McDonald's,

Are you serious? You are a (some may argue the) major big, bad corporation in the universe and you have deviated from the graphic standard of the McDonald's logo and typeface. Sure, you will still have drones of people come into your restaurant, but in passing your Seattle store on Madison Avenue, it confused me. What was the meaning of this? I'll keep this to a three-pointer:

1. You're deviating from standard protocol. That's not like you. Hopefully, you've learned your lesson. 

2. This Teen Wolf Typeface is neither appropriate for McDonald's nor any illuminated sign that was fabricated in some warehouse and installed on site by a contractor...and not actually brushed on the side of the building. It looks like an all-too elaborate tagging extravaganza.

3. It's ugly. I hope you canned the individual that even suggested such a move.

You're welcome.

Sincerely,

Font Police.

Teen Wolf inspired McDonald's Signage in Seattle.

Next...

Dear Brothers BBQ,

I have to be completely honest. In my years residing in Denver, I would drive past your 6th Avenue location many-a-time. As much as I love a good BBQ (and trust me, the aromas emitting from this location infiltrated the entire neighborhood and often enticed me), I resisted. For four years. Resisted even entering your establishment. Why? I'll tell you why. Because I was afraid. Afraid that my expectations for some delicious BBQ pulled pork would be met only with the disappointment and embarrassment of walking into a a dark room, getting strapped with a bullet-proof-ish vest-like garment, handed a fake gun and thrown into an obstacle course of shooting in a room filled with guests of a middle-school birthday party! A nightmare of mine, on many levels. 

Eventually, I did try your restaurant, and much to my relief there was no tagging with lasers, thankfully. But I have to say, I only went there because it was the closest available place to eat while waiting for the next show at the Esquire. I implore you, dear Brothers B, please do yourself (and every potential new customer) a favor and change your logo. It'll do you good.

You're welcome.

Sincerely,

Font Police

Laser tag inspired Brothers BBQ in Denver.

(photo cred: Agent Kerning)

Until next time....

Font Police

Clash of the Typefaces

Storefront in Ballard

What is wrong with this picture? Or rather, what isn't wrong with it? At first glance, it was the cliche application of the beloved papyrus that caught my eye. But as I stepped closer and closer to the storefront window to take my photograph, I was overcome with a wave (pun not originally intended, but I'll take it!) of emotions ranging from confusion to anger to sadness. 

Oh, dear sweet 8 lb. 4 oz. lil' baby Jesus, where to begin?

Overrated Typeface

No-brainer. Refer to original post about it. Moving along...

More is More

Two-toned, outlined font. I'm not even going to indulge you on the tragedy of the chosen color here. Let's move on before the vomiting in mouth commences...

Faux-Geek

The weak attempt at helping people pronounce rejuvenation. Because there is a long-running debate on how to properly pronounce the word. Right. C'mon. It's not like trying to pronounce !Xobile. But, seriously, if you're gonna go there, why stop at syllables and accents? Where's the schwa? (hint: the 'e' in 've') The short/long vowel symbols? Go hard or go home. Next...

The Wave

Better left to baseball games and surfing and greeting people from afar. Next...

Improper Engagement

Incorporating the window mullion into the signage. It's like breaking the fourth wall in acting, except we're not acting and I'm going to take a wild guess and say that it was not intended as an artistic maneuver to challenge the onlooker into reevaluating their view on two-dimensional vinyl graphic signage. Gonna guess it was someone's low-fi "solution" to a "problem" or something of the sort. I'm......without words....(well, without more words)... Next...

Inconsistency

Not incorporating the window mullion into the wavy waves graphic that is part of the Papyrus text. Forgive me, but it just had to be said.

This may be another example of storefront signage that causes such pain and anguish that the very thing they are selling is what will ease such pain and anguish. Sort of like the high density of fast food businesses surrounding the vicinity of many-a-24 hour fitness franchises. 

I dunno, just an observation.

Until next time,

Font Police

Five Things I Hate About Papyrus

Print advertisement in the Seattle Weekly 10.01.08.

Papyrus promises adventures with other singles! That's hot!

Not.

Signage on the 12th Avenue Corridor in Seattle.

At least they had the sense to use Century Gothic in most of the text.

But still, it doesn't cover over the most heinous of sins. 

Not even sure what this is, but I found it on a storefront in Pioneer Square.

It's not even a real word. Is it a bar? A restaurant? 

Really, I don't care. Just stop the insanity!

Enough is enough is enough.

Papyrus needs to be banished!

Its users and abusers need to be called out.

Trust me, I'm not alone in this. 

I mean, there's a whole blog dedicated to one man's ironic love of the type.

Join the public outrage! 

Why? 

Here is a handful of reasons...

In no particular order:

1. Papyrus takes up too much room. 

It's awkward and ugly. It has no respect for the negative space. The capital letters are most offensive. Especially the rounded ones - B, P, R, S. Just imagining these characters in my mind makes me wince in pain. So I'll stop now before I start to have a seizure.

2. Papyrus is not actually written on papyrus.

In an age of laser printers and glossy paper, not to mention digital imagery, YTF is Papyrus an appropriate font for anything? I'm done. If you don't get it, it's probably because you wish I was writing this in Papyrus. While I'd rather be writing on papyrus. Excuse me while go in the corner and throw up in my mouth.

3. Papyrus looks like the word platypus. 

Platypus is a much cooler word and a much cooler animal. Papyrus sounds like it could be some strange hybrid animal: an origami walrus, perhaps? It's bad enough that there's a paper/card company called Papyrus (various locations). Let's not add to the overexposure of this ancient form of media, lest we weaken the impact of its invention.

4. Papyrus is overused. 

And its (ab)users should have their computers revoked! It's everywhere. In print. On storefronts. On signage. In websites. On t-shirts. 

5. Papyrus has become the official typeface for a certain lifestyle.

If you look at it, the font actually evokes a feeling of sacredness. It looks old and wise. Like it cares about your wellness and encourages you to do yoga everyday. Makes you hungry for some delicious asian food. And then promptly eject it from your mouth. Wait, that's just my response.

Rest assured, this list is not exhaustive by any means. We will revisit and continue to embarrass publicly the offenders of typeface. In the meantime, marinate on this post and let your anger swell. 

Yours Truly,

Font Police

Embarrassed For You 

It doesn't take a graphics geek to tell you this sign is hideous. But most laypersons would see this sign, squint their eyes, shrug their shoulders...and walk away unaffected.

Let us go through some reasons this should outrage you, the innocent passerby:

1. CRaig, is this a predetermined typeface? Something your graphic designer purchased for actual money? Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second...I take that back. Likely not your graphic designer. (My sincerest apologies to actual GDs i may have offended!) Your eight year old daughter designed this using her Hannah Montana font! And you thought it was soooo cute...Awwwwwwwwww...*gag* Well, it's not. Unless, of course you're eight years old, a girl and your shop is selling a variety of colorful concoctions made with high-fructose corn syrup.

2. Is this a custom typeface? Even worse, CRaig. EVEN WORSE! This looks like a ransom letter written by someone on hallucinogens for someone selling hallucinogens. If that's what you're going for, okay, I'm listening. But tricking people into thinking they need glasses, is really not the best business plan. Or wait, are these those special spectacles I've heard about...?

3. Is this typeface used just for your store signage or did you pay money and kill trees to print this on your business cards as well? One can only imagine the microscopic size of the text on these puppies. Not that anyone can read the text sized at 200 point font anyways. CRaig, let's be conscious of our carbon footprint...Save the trees! 

4. What ungodly creature are you marketing towards? Some nine-eyed sea creature dreamed up in one of your hallucinogenic episodes? And why are the 'p' and 'i' in different shaped polygons? Is this code for people who need a Private Investigator? You also provide that service? Or wait, you sell night-vision goggles. Tough economic times. It's good to diversify. Good for you, CRaig. Good. For. You.

5. Setting aside the obvious offense this sign makes towards myself and anyone with the the acuity to 'read' the sign, there are (*gasp!*) ways this sign could be improved despite the typeface. Yes, I'm going there.

 

a. Spacing - spread out the 'CRaig ScoTt' text so each character can be appreciated and admired in its full glory. (Bear with me here...)

b. Stylization - be selective. Either use Hannah Montana type for the 'CRaig ScoTt' part or the 'opticians' part, but not both. Or, here's a radical thought: Neither. And while we're on the topic of stylization, let's figure out how to appropriately use the intermingling of Upper Case and Lower Case. I'll refer you to my 'ransom note' comment in Point 2, above.

c. Balance - The relationship of object (here, text) and background (here, black) is off-balance. By centering the signage text, there's too much going on in the middle, and nothing going on to the left and right. Don't fear asymmetry, CRaig! Asymmetry is your friend. Asymmetry is your Barney.

d. Duh - Get rid of the scalloped edge on the awning. What is this, a cupcake shop? Nice try. 

I'm not sure whether to give CRaig credit for NOT blasting this already overwhelming signage graphic with color. I can just see the colors now: bright reds, yellows, and blues....Every hue known to man! *gag* But then again, maybe that was the original intent, then he found out it cost too much and the color concept got the ax. Yeah, no credit. Sorry, buddy. 

CRaig, if by chance you see this and use suggestions noted in Point 5a-5b, shoot me an email and I will send you an invoice. Thanks in advance!

Yours Truly,

FoPo

(Photo Credit: Lieutenant TrueType)

A Lesson in Type

Whether you are aware of it or not, you have a relationship with typeface.

You see each other every moment of every day.

Sometimes the communication is smooth, and even aesthetically pleasing.

Sometimes the message gets lost due to illegibility, poor grammar, 

or inappropriate typeface.

We shall focus on typeface.

Elements that affect how typeface (un)successfully communicates:

Scale. 

Stroke. 

Style. 

And sometimes, color. 

We shall focus on style.

For the purpose of embarrassing and thus banishing 

the unfashionably typographied to the eternal depths of hell...vetica.

Welcome!

Yours truly,

Font Police